[He closed his eyes, looking like he was in actual, physical pain. Well, penance was not supposed to feel good, else it would not be penance, would it. Maybe that was another difference between his world and everyone else's--in his, laughing at somebody else hurt. ]
If it is effective, it might purge my soul of its corruption. [Might. Enough so that it was worth the attempt. And judging by how badly it hurt, he could hope it was at least effective.]
Nina, you cannot refuse an order from an Inquisitor. [Not and be like...alive for much longer.]
[The Inquisitor has seen Gadriel naked, though, so that's a horror show for further discussion and mental damage.
[He sighs, because he's thought about this. He would rather his penance have been something less painful, like throwing himself naked into a bed of cactuses.]
I would imagine she thought I was too prideful and needed to be humbled.
Inquisitors do not abuse their power for their own amusement, Nina. It is a sacred duty they have been given. [And Gadriel is hopelessly naive.]
She took on the duty. The Inquisitor knows what it means, and what the sacred duty of an Inquisitor is. [He doesn't just go up to random women asking for punishment. That's a kink. This is the safety of his soul.
It would be a violation of a sacred pledge to abuse power like that. [Did he think she was mean? Yes. Did he think she was abusing her power? No. Incomprehensible.
[He makes a frustrated sound. She would never understand this.] Nina. Where I am from, we are a brotherhood. We are never alone, even in our worst hours. We can count on others to lift us when we fall, to fight for us when our faith falters. [He sounds sorry that she does not know what that feels like. To always have the support of at least two hundred other brothers. And how awful it felt to have that stripped away. ] We 'solve our own shit' by asking for, and getting, aid. That is how it works.
That must be nice. ( She said bitterly and immediately regretted doing so. Nina did not have that for a long time, however. And even once her family formed and she had people to call on, she couldn't always. Too often did she only have herself to rely on, and even if that wasn't true now, here in Caldera, she still felt... jealous. )
[The sharpness in her voice hit him like a blow. This is what happens when you try to explain, Gadriel. You cannot tell a joke correctly. You cannot explain how lost you feel without angering your closest ally.]
I am sorry to have upset you. I was tryin-- never mind.
( Nina was always upset about something. Now she was upset about getting upset because it was stupid. He wasn't trying to be a dick about it. She knew that. )
It's okay. ( She sighs. ) Don't listen to me. Seriously, if it makes you feel better then just... keep doing it. I don't get it, but that doesn't mean I have to be an asshole about it.
It does not make me feel 'better'. Do you think getting laughed at, and mocked, by my dearest friend, because I did not grow up on an agriworld feels good in any fashion?
[He spent 9 years on Talassar, an ocean world, and then began his aspirancy on Macragge, shut in the walls of the Ultramarine barracks. The last thousands of years have been spent in suspended animation or in active combat. He could tell her fifteen different weak points on a ravener. He could look at a planet's resources and devise a way to break an enemy barricade. He had found ways to save his men's lives for decades.
[But he did not know what a scarecrow was, and that made him an object of mockery. That made him stupid, apparently. He was equal parts sad, angry and hurt and did not know what to do with either the first or last emotion. The middle one, though... He switches back to text because he does not trust the anger to not seep into his voice. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It is some kind of bird. [It has the word 'crow' in it. There is no fooling him. ]
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Then, she just starts laughing. Like, crying, coughing, wheezing laughing. )
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[Nina, can't you do anything right? This is not when you laugh. You laughed at the wrong time. He hadn't told a joke yet.]
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( give her a second. She has tears in her eyes. ) Fuck. Well if you came to make me laugh, you managed it.
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I am glad you are amused, Nina.
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It is penance. [Which means it is supposed to hurt. But maybe not hurt like your own closest sister laughing at you.]
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I still don't know why you need to do that. Does it make you feel better?
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Nina, you cannot refuse an order from an Inquisitor. [Not and be like...alive for much longer.]
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[He's not crazy enough to address her by anything other than her title. Be careful, Nina.]
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You sure she's not just fucking with you?
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Nina.
The Inquisitor and I are
definitely
Not 'fucking.' [Why would you put that image into his brain?]
She told me to do it.
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Second of all: not what I meant. I mean was she messing with you. Why would your penance be to tell jokes?
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[The Inquisitor has seen Gadriel naked, though, so that's a horror show for further discussion and mental damage.
[He sighs, because he's thought about this. He would rather his penance have been something less painful, like throwing himself naked into a bed of cactuses.]
I would imagine she thought I was too prideful and needed to be humbled.
Inquisitors do not abuse their power for their own amusement, Nina. It is a sacred duty they have been given. [And Gadriel is hopelessly naive.]
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( thank God Gadriel can't see Nina rolling her eyes so hard they almost fell out of her skull. )
She's not even an Inquisitor from your world. How do you know she holds the same values and standards?
Also, stop doing what everyone tells you to do. Be your own man and solve your own shit. You're not too prideful.
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It would be a violation of a sacred pledge to abuse power like that. [Did he think she was mean? Yes. Did he think she was abusing her power? No. Incomprehensible.
[He makes a frustrated sound. She would never understand this.] Nina. Where I am from, we are a brotherhood. We are never alone, even in our worst hours. We can count on others to lift us when we fall, to fight for us when our faith falters. [He sounds sorry that she does not know what that feels like. To always have the support of at least two hundred other brothers. And how awful it felt to have that stripped away. ] We 'solve our own shit' by asking for, and getting, aid. That is how it works.
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That must be nice. ( She said bitterly and immediately regretted doing so. Nina did not have that for a long time, however. And even once her family formed and she had people to call on, she couldn't always. Too often did she only have herself to rely on, and even if that wasn't true now, here in Caldera, she still felt... jealous. )
If it makes you feel better. Whatever.
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I am sorry to have upset you. I was tryin-- never mind.
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It's okay. ( She sighs. ) Don't listen to me. Seriously, if it makes you feel better then just... keep doing it. I don't get it, but that doesn't mean I have to be an asshole about it.
voice >>>text
[He spent 9 years on Talassar, an ocean world, and then began his aspirancy on Macragge, shut in the walls of the Ultramarine barracks. The last thousands of years have been spent in suspended animation or in active combat. He could tell her fifteen different weak points on a ravener. He could look at a planet's resources and devise a way to break an enemy barricade. He had found ways to save his men's lives for decades.
[But he did not know what a scarecrow was, and that made him an object of mockery. That made him stupid, apparently. He was equal parts sad, angry and hurt and did not know what to do with either the first or last emotion. The middle one, though... He switches back to text because he does not trust the anger to not seep into his voice. ]
I must go. I have other things
to attend to
as you
also
doubtless do.
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Wait — Gadriel. What are you talking about? I wasn't mocking you. I don't even know what I said that upset you.
Don't ignore me.
( he was absolutely going to ignore her now wasn't he? )